Well, I'm Irritated and Done

So, a couple of months ago, I made my own Facebook page instead of using my beloved's.  I "friended" those I actually give a shit about it, including my children.  It's a short list, I know.  But, my one and only daughter-in-law has yet to "accept".  I've sent a text, an e-mail, and request on Facebook.  No response. Yeah, I'm irritated.

So.........................I asked my son, her husband, no response.  I get that, I've had a husband or two.  Then, earlier today, I sent him a "message", told him I'm not satisfied with silence, won't, can't just take that except for anything other than rejection.  I don't take rejection silently, so.....................I'm gonna say something to her, AGAIN.  Only, this time, I won't be understanding and kind and accepting.  Nope. Not gonna.  This should make the April 29th wedding of my oldest son VERY interesting.  But, hell....................life with me is usually interesting.  :)

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Comments (37)

  1. This comment has been deleted
  2. formerlyme

    I see you are still ‘stirring the pot’. Your DIL doesn’t ‘accept’ you, so your best choice is to Suck It Up, Buttercup! She’s not legally or morally obliged to ‘accept’ you. I’m sure she has her reasons, for which she doesn’t owe you any explanation. Harassing her and her husband about it can only further alienate them. My sincere advice is to just let it be for now, and avoid any unnecessary drama that could spoil the atmosphere at the upcoming wedding.

    April 03, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      You are absolutely right. Can’t argue that. I agree.

      But, my son talks to me, he sends messages, he communicates with me. He doesn’t apologize for his wife, he has no reason to. He isn’t alienated. And, I’m not harassing, I’m attempting to communicate. To lead by example how we tackle hard conversations. Avoidance is not a way to solve anything. And, well………….I’m me, my family and friends know me. If she talks to me and tell me to go away, fine, I might suck that up, I can be a good buttercup.

      I won’t create “drama” at my son’s wedding. I’m not so interested in her that my focus would be off my son. eye roll, please…………chuckle……………

      April 04, 2017
      1. formerlyme

        Your DIL obviously doesn’t want you involved in her Facebook account, and I can understand why that might be. You can either react angrily, or respect her wishes. Her lack of responses makes it clear that this is a conversation she is not willing to participate in. Ditto for your son, and shame on you for trying to involve him. It’s not always about how YOU think things should be…others can have different (and legitimate) ways of interpreting such situations. Diplomacy is not your strong suit, unfortunately, and this can only come back to bite you, as I am sure it has often in the past.

        April 04, 2017
  3. SEC

    ditto

    April 03, 2017
  4. Bettymom

    Ha! Jumping in with both feet, I see. That’s my girl!

    April 03, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Ha Ha Ha Ha……………….How DARE you encourage me? You understand I WISH I was quiet and kind and accepting and nice, right?

      April 04, 2017
      1. Bettymom

        I just happen to BE quiet and kind and accepting and nice – and what has it ever gotten me???? Well, a pretty good husband and a couple of pretty fair kids, although one of them is definitely NOT quiet and kind, etc.

        April 04, 2017
        1. GoldenPig2012

          I have one AWESOME husband. I have five children, three with college degrees, one on his way and one who, sigh, finally, has decided shitting in the toilet is better than doing it in his pants. I loved and protected all of my children, tired as I am, at this point, I STILL do it. We don’t stop being mothers until we stop breathing. I have BEEN a daughter-in-law, three times. I KNOW both sides. And, yeah, I’m ME. So……………………….ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha………………………….I have yet to figure out how to NOT be me. I should, I know. Gosh, I know……………….but…………..my in-laws ALL loved me. I’m not stupid, I’m not so self-centered I don’t know how to coax a child into talking to me. eye roll

          April 04, 2017
          1. Bettymom

            You’re right about never stopping to be a mother. Its can’t be done unless you’re some sort of psychopath. I’ve only been a DIL once, but I was a terrible failure at it. Sigh. My own daughter has had three sets of in-laws and I think they all adored her!

            April 05, 2017
      2. Bettymom

        Yeah, I know. I can’t help being this way any more than anyone else can help being the way they are. Sometimes it’s great. Sometimes it’s the pits.

        April 05, 2017
        1. GoldenPig2012

          That’s just life, honey. I know that. I think you’re awesome, but, I don’t live with you day in and day out.

          April 06, 2017
  5. Munkyman

    What formerlyme said. Since when do you have the right to force yourself on people, isn’t that why you aren’t on your husband’s FB anymore, because you couldn’t stand the crap that came out of an old friend of his? Perhaps she just doesn’t want to hear what you have to say on things daily, maybe she thinks it’d mess up her mood to have your posts popping up all the time. Be an adult & accept that she doesn’t have to like you to love your son & if you try to force the issue you’re just telling your son he has to choose & be miserable. If you go on your intended path all you’ll be doing is making his life hell.

    April 03, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      I don’t “force” myself on people. I am my son’s mother, the woman’s mother-in-law who has been INVITED by her to partake in their lives. No, I’m not on my husband’s FB anymore because I got tired of NOT being who I am with “friends” of my own. Duh. HE doesn’t even like his friend, wanted ME to unfriend him, ha ha ha ha. Nope. He has to do that if he wants it done.

      I contact them about 12 times a year, NOT a daily basis, so……………dial it back. I don’t CARE if she likes me. I knew a long time ago my daughters-in-law wouldn’t like me, honey, I have FOUR sons, like this shit hasn’t crossed my mind? eye roll

      My son doesn’t have to choose anything. He contacts me when he wants to. IF he wants to. And, yes, she has to suck shit up like a good buttercup, too. I don’t know why some people think everyone’s life should never have struggle with in-laws in it, but…………….ha ha ha ha ha ha…………………they are wrong.

      To make a family, it takes effort.

      April 04, 2017
      1. Munkyman

        You’re still going to do nothing, but make a problem for him if you make an issue of her not accepting your friend request. You’re being a bully.

        April 04, 2017
        1. formerlyme

          I agree!

          April 05, 2017
        2. GoldenPig2012

          Well, I respect your opinion.

          April 05, 2017
          1. Munkyman

            & that’s all it is, so take it for what it’s worth.

            April 05, 2017
            1. GoldenPig2012

              It’s worth hearing, worth thinking about and I thank you for giving it to me.

              April 05, 2017
  6. mister-sandman

    Isn’t that borderline harassment?

    April 03, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      eye roll………………Since when is asking, outright, “harassment”? Jesus! Trying to find a way to form a family with honesty is NOT harassment. Everyone get a goddamned grip on reality.

      April 04, 2017
      1. mister-sandman

        Do you drink? Do you think maybe you should start?

        April 04, 2017
        1. GoldenPig2012

          ha ha ha ha

          April 05, 2017
  7. fab50life

    You may have to let this one roll off your back..it’s out of your control for her to accept you on Facebook.

    April 04, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      She can NOT be my “friend”, but………………..her husband, my son is. Her children are my grandchildren. I DO exist.

      April 04, 2017
  8. Tony51203

    suck it up buttercup.

    April 04, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Kiss my ass. ha ha ha ha ha

      April 04, 2017
      1. Tony51203

        LOL!

        April 04, 2017
    2. GoldenPig2012

      Tony51203……………….you are right.

      April 05, 2017
  9. honestycounts

    For what it’s worth I wouldn’t kiss her ass to friend you… I’d have to say " fuck her" and maybe get your son a nice sympathy card! Lol

    April 05, 2017
  10. GoldenPig2012

    I took a day to think about everything everyone said here. Sigh. Y’all are right. I’m trying to force something that isn’t under my control. I wish it was, I wish…………….hell, a lot of things in life. Sigh. She has every right to do or not do………..anything in her life. I will not apologize for saying what I think, believing what I believe, hoping or dreaming or wanting or attempting to make all of the above happen. But, if I try and fail, then try again, just in case I didn’t do it right the first time and am still given a “no” in some form or fashion, I need to suck that up and leave it alone. No one wants to be forced or pressured. Lord know, grin, I don’t and she is no different from me on that.

    Thank you ALL for your input and I WILL leave it alone. I will send an apology to her for my bullying tactics, I was not being fair and placed her in a HARD place – between me, her husband and who SHE is. I was wrong to do so. Wish me luck.

    April 05, 2017
    1. Munkyman

      You’re doing the right thing, that usually garners karma which is better than luck.

      April 05, 2017
      1. GoldenPig2012

        I don’t know about karma and luck has rarely been on my side. All I know is……..sigh……….I was wrong and I have to say so.

        April 05, 2017
        1. Munkyman

          Now you’re right & it should feel good.

          April 05, 2017
          1. GoldenPig2012

            It, honestly, DOES feel good, but…………..it irritates me that now she thinks she’s perfectly justified in being an asshole who refuses to have a conversation with the mother of her husband who is trying to reestablish a relationship with said mother. THAT shit pisses me off. She is NOT innocent, she is NOT in the “right”. We are all human beings supposedly trying to do the next right thing. I don’t like her. Not right now. I’m mad. I’m grinding my teeth, but……………..she’s not even 25 years old, yet. Gee whiz.

            April 06, 2017
            1. Munkyman

              You have no control over her… or him really, just you. Her issues are hers & they probably hurt her more than they do you.

              April 06, 2017
  11. formerlyme

    Golden, a straightforward apology (with no excuses) will go a long way toward earning your DIL’s respect and trust. Let me say that when I disagree with you, and explain why, it is never to be hurtful, but to give you an objective outside opinion from someone who isn’t personally involved. Anyone who acts as a ‘cheerleader’ when they see you going down a dysfunctional path are not being helpful, no matter how well intentioned they are.

    April 05, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      I gave a straightforward apology when I realized I WAS being a “bully”. But, make no mistake, I don’t have to “earn” her respect or trust. Those things are given initially when it comes to family, if family fucks up afterwards, well, then we can revisit that. I understand an honest opinion, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t ask for one. I WAS wrong to pressure her, but she’s wrong for being a spoiled princess and I don’t like her. Period. I love my son, I know how to be polite and courteous, but………….ha ha ha hahaha………..no way in HELL am I kissing her dumb ass to gain favor. Not EVER gonna happen.

      I have spent YEARS, decades loving my children, living with my mistakes and the results of them, may she never make the same ones. But, oh, chuckle…………………..she needs to NOT believe my apology is an approval of her own actions.

      April 06, 2017