My Answer is NO

The man I love wants to, once again, for another year, NOT get a biopsy.  My answer is NO.  No. 

 

I have stood by him and he by me as we lived our lives together for 7 years.  More downs than ups, we proved we can do that.  So, my answer is NO.  Fuck you.  I will NOT allow you to go out with a whimper, by ignoring something until it's too late.

 

I have had cancerous cells frozen off my cervix, twice.  I've had a hysterectomy when my uterus betrayed me and tried to kill me.  Though, truly, I can't blame it, it was TIRED after five kids.  I had a biopsy on a lump in my breast.  Was I scared?  Yes.  Did I WANT to ignore it?  Yes.  Did I do it anyway?  Yes.  I expect the same from him.  I EXPECT it, WANT it, DEMAND it.  I will not stand idly by so he can die on me.  I will NOT.

It might be nothing.  Just................some reaction to smoking for 40 years.  But, if it isn't..................I want to know.  I want to gird myself for a fight.  I want to DO something, anything.  I had my tests, got the bad news, had my organs removed to stay alive.  I DID that.  I have no reproductive organs, I lost a lot of me in that decision.  But, I gained life, life lived with the ones I love.  It was worth it.  I didn't like it, I was scared, but I'd do it again.

How do I make him do the same?  How do I DO that?  He's stubborn, kind of a given since he's spending his life with me, but...............how do I be what he needs, how do I convince him he's...............everything to us?

 

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Comments (27)

  1. noahbody

    Tell him exactly what you said here. Let him know you’re scared of losing him. Talk to him. Tell him your concerns. (HUGS) and prayers.

    April 07, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      I DID. Last night. He brushed me off……………….his “parts” aren’t like mine. Yep, he said that. Hence, the argument. I am going to make him hate me before this all over, but…………if it makes him get a biopsy……….I can live with that.

      April 07, 2017
      1. noahbody

        He will never hate you. He will realize that you speak from love.

        April 07, 2017
        1. GoldenPig2012

          No, you’re right, he won’t hate me, but……………………that’s a small thing compared to what I want. I can take hate. Him ignoring his health, not so much.

          April 11, 2017
          1. noahbody

            Understood. You have every reason to be concerned.

            April 11, 2017
        2. GoldenPig2012

          We’ll see.

          April 12, 2017
    2. GoldenPig2012

      I did. I have. I’ve repeated it. Stubborn man. But, chuckle, I’m nothing if not persistent in my views. sad smile

      April 12, 2017
      1. noahbody

        Good. Be persistent. Be just as stubborn if not more.

        April 12, 2017
  2. SEC

    yup tony nailed it!

    April 07, 2017
  3. Bettymom

    I also have a very hard-headed husband who is “never sick.” When he had a heart disease scare ten years ago, it took me about three months of non-stop nagging to get him to the cardiologist. I stuck right with it until he couldn’t stand the sight or sound of me, but I won and he’s still here!

    April 07, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Sigh, deep breath………..guess I’ll gird myself to be hated and the one at fault for the arguments. Eye roll…………………..fine. Whatever. I can do that. I HAVE to do that. I HAVE to be the “bad guy”, I HAVE to be the one all the shit falls on because if I’m not, if I don’t step up and take that as mine………………..I and my son might lose him. Might not, but…………..I’m not taking that chance.

      April 12, 2017
  4. formerlyme

    Golden’s husband needs to do what’s best for him, his son, and his very frightened wife. This is an example of why pride can be our worst enemy at times. I don’t know why men are so defensive and protective about their ‘parts’. This could turn out to be something harmless, and wouldn’t that be nice to know? If it’s cancerous, it should be discovered and treated a.s.a.p. Keep at him, Golden…I truly feel for the difficult position you are in.

    April 07, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Thank you. When my OB said “uterine biopsy”, he didn’t bat an eye. When “hysterectomy recommended” was said, he nodded his head, listened to my fears and objections and was there every step of the way. I don’t understand how can he can do that and then get mad at me about the roof of his mouth. I am……………………ready to commit him because he’s………………………fucking too stupid. Blink. Deep breath.

      April 11, 2017
  5. fab50life

    We all know that some men can be big babies and we women are the stronger ones at times. You gotta keep on him no matter what he says. He’s only human and scared just like you were with your previous history of things happening to your body. He is the head of the house and he needs to realize it and step up. Not trying to sound harsh just keeping in real…you and your son need him.

    April 07, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      No shit. I agree. I’ve made that point, way more than once. He tells me I’m overreacting and it’s “nothing”. No, it isn’t “nothing”, unless and until the doctors say so, period. He looks at me and smiles and does his, “honey, you’re not a doctor”, bullshit and I have decided to hit him in the balls as he sleeps.

      April 11, 2017
    2. GoldenPig2012

      I am in total agreement with you.

      April 12, 2017
  6. Munkyman

    Lung cancer kills 90%, fighting it makes the little life left not worth living far too much of the time. I’m not making excuses for him, I’m just telling you my perspective on it. I wouldn’t fight it, I’d get the morphine, go enjoy what I could til it hurt too much to bear. I can’t say that’s a reasonable choice for anyone but me & I don’t know what “he” owes you, but I can say he owes his kids a decent fight… just to encourage them to fight when they have to.

    April 07, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      It isn’t his lungs, it’s the roof of his mouth. I and he understand the lung cancer, we’re smokers. But, it’s the roof of his mouth and if he doesn’t get a biopsy, he doesn’t get morphine. Let’s boil that shit down to the bone.

      April 11, 2017
      1. Munkyman

        & that IS the bone. People lived through that for a decade or more 30 years ago.

        April 11, 2017
  7. formerlyme

    My guess is that your beloved, for all his dismissiveness, is secretly too terrified to deal with this head on. I’d thought you were probably talking about the prostate, but the location of this problem makes a biopsy more urgent. Smoking can’t only affect the lungs, as most people think, but also whatever the nicotine touches while inhaling or exhaling. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he does the sensible and necessary thing, Golden, and that this turns out to be something benign. (((HUGS)))…no objections, please…you need them right now!

    April 11, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      I KNOW he’s terrified and passing it off as something less. I KNOW that. He’s STILL refusing to talk about anything but the money for a root canal, STILL telling me it’s been there for years and hasn’t killed him yet. Short of hog-tying him and/or conking him on the head with a frying pan, all I can do is keep talking and THAT is pissing him off, making our home life a nightmare. Stupid fucker, just SAY you’re scared and let me hold your hand as you did mine when I had cancerous cells AFTER a biopsy. He’s on my last nerve. I may have to bring in the big guns.

      April 12, 2017
  8. dincali

    an infinity of ’s to hold you up E

    April 13, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Really? An infinity of hugs? eye roll……………………………I will gladly take them from you. Don’t spread that bullshit around, OK?

      April 13, 2017
      1. dincali

        that ain’t bullshit…lol

        April 13, 2017
        1. GoldenPig2012

          HUGE grin.

          April 16, 2017
  9. fasalleh

    If nagging doesn’t work, maybe u can try “crying”. A reverse psychology. Pretend you lose appetite infront of him, show him you worried sick about him that you can’t eat (but do eat when he’s not around). Shed a tear or two. Sniffles now and then. Or try silent treatment. But if all fails, its time to smash the dishes. Worth trying eh? hugs and prayers to you and him

    April 13, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Ugh. No. I don’t cry unless I’m extremely pissed, nowadays. Eye roll. He’d see through that bullshit in a hot minute.

      April 13, 2017