It's OK. Not a Problem.

I made a mistake.  Nothing new for me, but.............sigh.  I told my family "at large", I'd be "home" at the end of April for my son's wedding and then posted I'd be visiting my beloved aunt on one day before I went back.  All of a sudden five or six of them invited themselves to come see me at my aunt's house.  Got a message from my cousin, my aunt's daughter that now lives with her, that said, "How dare you invite people to Mom's house?".  I didn't.  I just said I'd be there.  I told her so and asked her why she ASSUMES I set out to piss her off or inconvenience everyone.  She signed off in a huff, telling me I'd better "hope they don't show up".  Huh?  First of all, it ISN'T her house, second, it isn't MY fault people want to see me after a couple of decades.

 

But, I fixed it.  I, publicly, said I wouldn't be there.  My beloved MUST be at work on that Monday and since it's a 7 to 8 hour trip, we must leave just after the wedding.  I fixed it.  I won't go home.  No one will be inconvenienced or mad.  I fixed it. 

 

I didn't do anything wrong, but I fixed it.  I will not see my family or my mother's grave because to do so would.......cause a problem.  I don't want to do that.  It's OK.  Not a problem.  It's OK. I've got this. Wish it was different, but, heck..........grin..........I wish that about a lot of things in life.  It's OK.

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Comments (21)

  1. noahbody

    I would have told her to pound sand. Those who want to see you again obviously care. What right has anyone other than your aunt to say no? You should have asked your aunt if it was OK then gone from there.

    April 20, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      I…..can’t. I can’t NOT fix this for them. I was wrong to “display” my joy, chuckle, it caused a problem for the ones I love, I think. I’ve been gone so long from my family, I’ve lost touch with the dynamics and it isn’t mine to question them. I fixed it. I made something better for them, that’s my job. It’s what I do, fix it if I can. I fixed it. It’s OK. It’s gonna be OK.

      My conception screwed up my mom’s life. My mom having me screwed up my dad’s life, my stepfather’s life, simply existing…………….I’ve caused more problems for others than anything else. I know that. Being ME has been a problem from the beginning. But I fixed it. I FIXED it. I won’t go home and it will be better for the majority. I FIXED it. That’s a “win”.

      April 20, 2017
      1. noahbody

        I hate to tell you this but you are wrong. It is your aunt’s place to welcome them or not. Not your’s to deceive them into coming or not. Does it not feel good to know you are loved? Screw the nay sayers. Leave it up to your aunt.

        April 20, 2017
        1. GoldenPig2012

          You make perfect sense, but……………..sad chuckle, this is how I live life. I was told she didn’t want them, I fixed it. Blink. Blank stare. Yes, it DOES feel SO good to be loved, to have others willing to travel hundreds of miles to spend a few hours with me. Hell, who knew? Not me, that’s for sure. But………….my job is to take care of the ones I love. To……..NOT be a problem, but a solution. It was my mother’s job, now…………it’s mine. Take care of everyone, help them be……………….happy.

          April 20, 2017
          1. noahbody

            Yet still it was HER decision. Why did you not leave it up to her? Perhaps she would have loved to see everyone. You took that choice away from her.

            April 20, 2017
            1. GoldenPig2012

              She’s 72, honey. This is NOT hers, it’s mine. My cousin told me her mom was NOT happy so many people wanted to come to her house on that day. She’s mine. I am an AWESOME Buttercup, I suck it up.

              April 20, 2017
          2. noahbody

            My parents are 79 and 75 and they still have enough capacity to say who they would like to see and who not. I still believe it was her choice,not yours.

            April 20, 2017
            1. GoldenPig2012

              I have no answer. I tried to call her, got nothing but a full voicemail. Sigh. So………….I take care of my own.

              April 20, 2017
          3. noahbody

            That is the best you can do.

            April 20, 2017
            1. GoldenPig2012

              Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha………………as usual, chuckle, my “best” is lacking.

              April 20, 2017
          4. noahbody

            Your best is good enough. It has to be.

            April 20, 2017
            1. GoldenPig2012

              To me, yeah. But………………when it comes to taking care of others………………..hell…………………..

              April 20, 2017
          5. noahbody

            It is always good enough. It is all that you have.

            April 20, 2017
            1. GoldenPig2012

              I’m out of counter-argument, I concede. Crap.

              April 23, 2017
          6. noahbody

            April 23, 2017
  2. formerlyme

    You’ve done nothing wrong, Golden, and you have nothing to beat yourself up about. The best you can take from this is the knowledge that several relatives cared enough for you to come see you at your aunt’s house. Perhaps they should have checked with your aunt that it would be okay to come. I repeat…you have done nothing wrong!

    April 20, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Logic dictates I have not, but…………why do I feel so guilty? Guilty enough to deprive myself of a visit “home”?

      April 23, 2017
  3. Munkyman

    Some people ?!? You did the right thing, but I don’t know that I could have let that one go myself. I think I might have said that, “Since my cousin doesn’t want a house full of her family at her mother’s home, I will be [here] instead, after spending a few minutes visiting my beloved aunt.” This is not a suggestion, it’s just me sharing.

    April 21, 2017
    1. GoldenPig2012

      Been thinking about your opinion. Sure have. Because I don’t LIKE my decision, am not comfortable with it. It………………GRATES on me.

      April 23, 2017
      1. Munkyman

        Be a bigger person than me… if you can.

        April 23, 2017
        1. GoldenPig2012

          Hmmm, I’m thinking about it.

          April 23, 2017